Mr. Scrooge's Job Hunting Rules

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

WARNING GRADUATES:

There are many dingy, seedy companies prowling the web in search of peons such as yourselves! Searching for jobs on Jobstreet, I myself have seen the many horrible companies out there waiting for fresh young meat to make money from!

Hence I present these rules which I shall not break (I hope), with accompanying postings courtesy of JobStreet.

1. Read the Job Title

Ever Gotesco Malls Group of Companies

MARKETING ASSISTANT/HEAD PROJECTIONIST
(National Capital Reg)

Responsibilities:

  • Responsible for set-up of equipment
  • Responsible for rectifying equipment breakdown
  • Responsible for the showing of the movie/presentation
  • Works with public/customers as appropriate
  • Performs other management mandated functions

2. READ YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION

Janitor
(National Capital Reg)

Responsibilities:

  • Serve tea, coffee to staff and participants of workshops/seminars/meetings
  • Change aqua galloons
  • Clean / dust workstations and other furniture
  • Maintain crockery / culteries / appliances in a clean condition
  • Fix tables and chairs for big events / meetings
  • Keep pantry / staff room, and store clean and tidy at all times
  • Help set-up new workstation
  • Photocopy, bind, cut paper etc..
  • Perform administrative functions as and when required

3. Read the Job Requirements

Marketing Executive Assistant
(National Capital Reg)

Responsibilities:

  • Assist the VP of marketing
  • Admin work
  • Accept office calls/ client calls
  • Pose as a model for the youtube videos of products

Requirements:

  • Female 18-30 yrs old
  • Candidate must possess at least a Bachelor's/College Degree , Post Graduate Diploma / Master's Degree, Professional License (Passed Board/Bar/Professional License Exam), Post Graduate Diploma / Master's Degree, Marketing, Business Studies/Administration/Management, Mass Communications, Advertising/Media, Commerce or equivalent.
  • Required skill(s): Good communication skills, Pleasing personality, Good looking (for youtube demo`s), Computer literate.
  • Required language(s): English
  • Fresh graduates/Entry level applicants are encouraged to apply.
  • Full-Time positions available.

4. No Company Website = No Go. Bad Company Website… uhh… eew.

This nice company posted this ad online for copywriters. http://ph.jobstreet.com/jobs/2009/4/default/80/2096711.htm?fr=J

I almost clicked the button, but first I stalked their website.

Dyll Communications is a full service advertising agency that holds the butterfly as its inspiration. Bursting out of its chrysalis early in 2004, Dyll has since churned out a steady stream of high impact tri-media campaigns and 360 activations. Our aim each time we flutter our wings is to have the market feel our campaigns' impact -- 360 degrees.

Our Mission

To take our clients beyond where they can get to themselves

Our Vision

Our logo is the butterfly -- to symbolize how we aim to keep work -- and how it affects our lives -- a Dyll-ightful experience

Contact Information

As a virtual company, we do flutter about most of the time. But you can contact us at the Dyll Cocoon where we always touch down.

Yes. They badly need copywriters. http://web.tri-isys.com/dyllcom/dyllcom.htm

5. Bad Grammar. Bad Company.

Online Marketing Staffs
(National Capital Reg)

Responsibilities:

· We are looking for new graduates who have interest working on the web by means of social sites (facebook, myspace, tagged, etc), updating websites, ads postings, keyword research, website submission, link building, editing and optimizing webpages.

Yes. Staffs indeed.

MircoSourcing Philippines Inc.

MicroSourcing is the outsourcing department of MaxLifestyle International Ltd. Through MicroSourcing we provide outsourcing and consulting services in the Philippines to multinational clients operating mostly in the internet, mobile and graphic design industries. Our offices in Eastwood City provide a professional, multinational and fun working environment and through our international clients you will gain the necessary knowledge and experience to strengthen your position in the global economy.

Proofreader
(National Capital Reg - Eastwood City, Libis)

YES KAILANGAN TALAGA.

6. Beware of Dingy Companies

ONLINE ENGLISH TEACHER - Winglish Phone Inc.

7. CHECK THE COMPANY LOCATION

Document Controller
(Tripoli, Libya)

Requirements:

  • Candidate must possess at least a Bachelor's/College Degree in Business Studies/Administration/Management, Others or equivalent.
  • Fresh graduates/Entry level applicants are encouraged to apply.
  • Gender : Male

8. Bond = No Thank You.

Continuation of the Ad in #3:

Requirements:

- Graduates of summer 2009 only

- Not more than 22 years old

- No experience required, training will be provided

- Willing to sign a 2 year bond contract after training

- Excellent English Writing Skills (chat and email)

- Loves online research, working with websites

- Can work in shifting schedule (8am-5pm and 9pm-6am)

- No failed grades in college

- 10 full time positions

Yes, Online Marketing Staffs for the next two years.

9. Know how much you’re worth

HR Assistant

Universal Storefront Services Corporation (RCPI)


Industry : Banking / Finance
Specialization : Human Resources
Skills : Strong Personality, Leadership Skill, Can work Under Pressure

PHP 9000 - 10000

Now you guys know why I shall not get hired anytime soon.

2 comments:

Mugen said...

Just start a business and you'll get farther. I'll submit my application to be your boyslave when you're already filthy rich.

Mr. Scrooge said...

@Mugen - I'm starting one, but it depends purely if we get the place we want. >_< PRAYING TO GOD THAT WE'LL GET IT.